I should be sponsored by Trojan
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
