So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
