My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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