im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
We left the knife in your bed.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
The adults are the big ones right?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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