I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
