he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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