Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
