Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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