just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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