My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
