So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Randomize
