omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
