I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
