well you can't waste a boner
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
