my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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