Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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