he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
