Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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