When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
