I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Randomize
