I skipped work to stalk him.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
