giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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