pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
