I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
he thought i was a dude.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
