it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
