Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
