Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Congratulations! We have a period
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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