I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
