I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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