Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
