ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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