Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
