Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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