Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
