Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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