WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
