she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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