No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
