is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
