dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
