hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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