he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
