whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
