So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
