Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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