I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
