I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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