Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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