I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
