talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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