If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
