someone get that fucking seahorse.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
