She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
