when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
