i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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