I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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