grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
