i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
