We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
