blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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