oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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