D3 body, D1 cock
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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