Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
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