1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
My ATM looks so different sober.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize