I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
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