dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
