wakey wakey hands off snakey
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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