Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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