You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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