watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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