my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
