I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
