I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
