i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
